That’s what Rita and Edward (not their real names), aged 50 and 52, believe. The Singaporean couple, married for 19 years, have sex twice a week on average and have noticed that, on those nights, their quality of sleep is significantly better.
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“I have a demanding schedule, packed with work, family and social commitments, so life can get pretty stressful for me,” says Rita, a teacher. “I fall asleep easily because I’m already so tired by the time my head hits the pillow, but my sleep isn’t always restful, and when I wake up in the mornings, I don’t feel refreshed.
“However, when I make love and have had an orgasm, I find that I do sleep better – for instance, I don’t toss and turn during the night. And, when I wake up, I feel like I got a good night’s rest. It’s a bit like after I’ve done a yoga class – my body just feels so calm and relaxed.”
Edward, who manages a wholesale business, says sex with his wife melts away any stress he has experienced during the day and makes him feel happy and secure, which in turn helps him doze off quickly and sleep more soundly.
Conversely, when they are sleep-deprived or have work or family issues that prevent them from enjoying a restful slumber, the couple say that they are less likely to have sex because they “just don’t feel like it”.
“In the first 12 years of our marriage, I remember sleeping very little because I worked long hours, six or seven days a week,” Edward says. “I was so exhausted by the time I got home that the last thing I wanted was to be intimate with my wife. In fact, quite often, weeks would go by during which we would not have sex.”
The couple’s case has some scientific grounding. A research review carried out in 2016 by the University of Ottawa, for example, suggested that engaging in sexual intercourse before bedtime improved the quality of sleep of women who suffered from stress-induced insomnia.
This was thought to be due to the release of hormones associated with sexual intercourse and their role as precursors of sleep – namely oxytocin, prolactin and dopamine. Oxytocin, for example, is a powerful hormone that lowers blood pressure, stress and anxiety. Under stress-free conditions, it also promotes sleep.
The researchers even suggested engaging in sexual intercourse as “a possible alternative or addition to other intervention strategies for insomnia”.
Another study, conducted by Australian sleep researcher Dr Michele Lastella at Central Queensland University’s Appleton Institute in Adelaide, reported that two-thirds of participants slept better when they had sex with their partner and experienced an orgasm.
Singapore-based clinical sexologist Dr Martha Tara Lee agrees with the research, adding that she also knows of many people who like to masturbate before they go to sleep or when they have difficulty sleeping.
“Having an orgasm releases the hormone prolactin, which makes you feel relaxed and sleepy,” she says.
The better your sleep quality, the better your sex life too, according to science. One study, published in 2015 in The Journal of Sexual Medicine, found that women who enjoyed sufficient sleep reported higher levels of sexual desire and experienced greater vaginal lubrication compared to women who slept for fewer hours. They were also more likely to engage in partnered sexual activity.
Of course, getting enough sleep every night won’t just improve your sex life. It can also lower your risk of cardiovascular disease, with insufficient or irregular sleep associated with a higher risk. The American Heart Association says that most cardiovascular diseases, such as high blood pressure, coronary heart disease, heart failure and stroke, could be prevented if people maintained a healthier lifestyle, which includes getting at least seven hours of sleep a night.
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But how can our time-strapped selves start having sex more often in the hope of sleeping better? You simply have to prioritise the activity.
“We all have enough going on to fill our days and nights, and we prioritise what’s important to us,” says Lee, who recently released her fourth book, Uninhibited: An Asian Vulva Photo Book.
“There seems to be this assumption that, to enjoy good sex or for sex to happen, one must be in the mood, that the sex should be spontaneous, or that our body clock must synchronise with our partner’s. That’s just not true. You might be a day person and your partner a night person, you might have a higher or lower sex drive compared to your partner, or you might have a different attitude towards spontaneity in sex.”
It is therefore important for both partners to communicate their sexual needs to each other, and to work through these differences together so that they can get their sex life on track.
If you don’t have the energy for sex, Lee urges you to prioritise rest.
“It’s precisely when we are busy, overworked, sleep-deprived and stressed out that we need to care for ourselves a bit more, to slow down and get some rest. But instead, we push ourselves harder, which makes no sense,” she says.
“A good, healthy sex life doesn’t just happen; you need to be proactive in making it happen, and that means creating the time and having the energy for it.”
This article appeared in the South China Morning Post print edition as: Better sex, better sleep: why an orgasm before bed improves your rest
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